My most fundamental belief

All people are capable

Good morning internet friend (and hopefully internet friend, too). I’m taking this on with a slightly different flair and angle this week. Not sure how I’ll feel about it, but let’s have a go, shall we?

We are but the product of not only our environment but the sum of our lived experience. We are merely a representation of the fusion of these experiences and our innate biology and it is our past that shapes are present and inevitably our future.

Through our life and experience, especially in our youth, we form beliefs and understandings of the world around us. Heuristics that try to make sense of the world around us and explain what we observe. How our parents loved (or didn’t love) each other, the way they used money, the language our teachers used, the success or failures in youth sport you experienced, the way you were treated by your auntie, the rejection you experienced from your first childhood crush; these can have long lasting effects on how you view people around us and what you understand to be true and right.

In my early 20s, I really felt like I was discovering my value system. The things that I felt were important, that I deemed significant. I think going through this process is hugely formative too as you start to realise why you need and want certain things. Understanding your values and value system means you can make better choices about the people you want to spend time with and invest time with. Clashes in value systems can be catastrophic for relationships and often severs family ties.

In my late 20s and now early 30s, I’m discovering my “truths system”, I suppose. Not my value system. Not things I think are important. But things I think are fundamentally true. Mini rules or statements that, based on my observation and lived experience, are fundamental characteristics of the people and world in which I habitate.

One of those statements is the following;

A much younger version of me was gossiping with friends during lunch break at high school when they commented that another classmate had cheated on their girlfriend at the time. This information had quickly spread through the cohort as does gossip amongst adolescents and a phrase I heard repeated numerous times by numerous people was “once a cheater always a cheater”. You see this wasn’t the first time that this person had done so and so the conclusion was, by many, that this person was at their very essence and core a liar, cheat, dishonest and untrustworthy. That they would forever be a cheater.

That experience stuck with me for a long time. It’s catchy and I’d heard the phrase many more times in many more contexts over the years. Without realising it, it had shaped part of my understanding of truths. That people are how they are; and that’s it.

Since then, however, I have seen overwhelming evidence on the contrary. I have seen with my own eyes and ears that the idea “once a cheater always a cheater” simply is not the case.

There was a video or news piece I saw many years ago. I saw it online I believe, perhaps it was part of a documentary; I really don’t know. The premise was that they were interviewing a gentleman who had left prison many years prior. They’d been in jail for over 10 years for horrible assault crimes. Naturally, upon their release, there was some uproar from a community still suffering and hurt by this person’s actions.

The story however was to highlight his success as a contributing member of society. I don’t remember the details I must admit but they were working in a charity home or soup kitchen. Helping real people who were really struggling. They interviewed him and asked him about his mindset and attitude to the world and people around him and he seemed very sincere in that he felt he had an enormous debt owing to society for what he had done and he wanted to make things right.

This small segment on a random show many years ago was perhaps my first insight towards this idea that all people are capable of change.

Years ago there was a movie called Just Mercy. I never watched the movie admittedly or read the book, but the author Bryan Stevenson is quoted as once saying

“Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

The context of his book and movie is that he’s a defence lawyer who’s aim was to have innocent, falsely convicted people exonerated from death row and so he has worked closely with many people, both genuine criminals and the falsely accused.

He talks about the criminals he’s worked with and he gets to learn about them on individual levels. They’re often parents, previously successful in other areas, and have done good things. But, are trialled and convicted by the worst thing they’ve ever done.

While the context of serious perpetrators is probably beyond the needs of this blog, I think this was the second real push I had towards my conclusion that all people are capable of change.

I have this thought experiment;

Say one person is a shitty person. They’re polite enough but otherwise difficult to work with and hardly contribute anything to society. They never do anything wrong and never get in trouble with the law but are generally a leech and selfish. People might describe them as “a nice enough guy” or say “I’ve got no issues with them personally”.

On the other hand, say another person is an active member of their community. They donate to charity regularly, volunteer their time at community events and generally live a happy and positive life. One day, this person does the wrong thing and gets in trouble with the police. They’re facing a stint in jail for the thing they did.

Is it really fair, to say that this person is a bad person? When the overwhelming evidence over many years of consistent behaviour says otherwise, yet we cling as a society to that one label; that they’re a criminal?

Or similarly, that an ex-convict, like the gentleman I described earlier, who after leaving prison demonstrated grace and compassion and humbleness continue to be shunted and judged by society for the one or few wrongdoings of their past?

It is my contention, that all people are capable of fundamentally changing who they are, how they interact with the world and what they do.

Think back to some of your behaviour or acts of days gone by. Perhaps you’ve said or done things you aren’t so proud of. Maybe you have an equivalent of the one wrong thing that gets you in trouble. All it takes is for you to reflect on your facebook status’ of 10 years ago to realise that you are not the same person now that you were then. We are dynamic creatures, constantly evolving and adapting. Accumulating new experiences, new observations. This constant change means who we are at a fundamental level is not a static thing and to make judgements and assumptions about a person based on their past can be unfair and unjust.

Don’t get me wrong, just because we are capable of change doesn’t mean we always do, or that it happens quickly. Past behaviour probably is telling and correlates to future behaviour. But my optimistic naivety urges me to believe that despite the wrongdoings of the past, someone, anyone, can be different today.

This optimism, I later realised, is an integral part of my work, actually. The basis of my entire career is that people can change. That people who were once unactive, who were once weak or uncomfortable in the gym can change. Can not be those things and instead become something else.

As a powerlifting coach, it may be your assumption that I work primarily with competitive powerlifters. When in fact, the work I do at TSF primarily revolves around getting beginners started. People who have or had no experience lifting weights are getting in the gym and changing who they are. People are now being described as “gym rats” by their friends, people who had never prior set foot in a gym.

Appreciating how capable we all are of change fills me with optimism. Optimism that my flaws and shortcomings are not set in stone, are not innate characteristics of my being. Rather, I am malleable adaptable. It is incredibly empowering to realise if you want it, you can adapt and shift.

It has formed the very foundation of many of my hobbies and has prompted me to take action to move forward in my personal life too. Once monolingual, now bilingual, once couldn’t cook, now a decent home cook, once unable to deadlift 300kg, now I have so numerous times, once I couldn’t swim, now I can survive for a little while (still working on this one), once unable to communicate effectively, now a much stronger communicator, once quick to anger, now patient and level headed. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago and I know I won’t be the same person in 10 years from now.

Whether it’s a personal skill, ability or character trait, we are all capable of change. That change is sometimes inevitable, sometimes it’s not so easy. Sometimes it happens quickly and for other things it’s much more gradual. But it is something I see as fundamentally true.

Thanks for reading dear internet friend (and hopefully real life friend, too!) Bit of a different format and type of write up this week but I was feeling in the mood. I hope you liked it.